Not waving, drowning - my first wedding nightmare

This morning I woke up at 5.32am gripped with terror and anxiety. What an awful situation and how fucking annoying and what a waste of money and time and effort and... then I realised it had all been a dream. Classic wedding fear. Joy.

The thing is, my wedding isn't for another 14 months... at least. Perhaps more embarrassingly, I haven't actually booked a venue yet. So the date is easily movable. This anxiety is all my own doing.

The dream itself unveils quite an alarming set of stress dream tropes I've come to know and love, and I wondered if anybody else experiences nightmares quite like I do. For a start, they're never that empirically scary. Also, they're boring. I'm never being chased by an axe-wielding child, I'm never locked in a coffin or trapped in a haunted house. My nightmares are benign and everyday, probably making them a little bit more terrifying. Here are my own personal nightmare clichés, this time with added wedding relevance, because my brain likes to mess with me as effectively as possible.

The Sea

I love the sea. In real life, I want to be near the sea at any available opportunity. In dreams though, it's a scary, unfathomable concept, wobbling erratically and threatening to swallow me up.

In wedding terms, I was on a very nice wooden speedboat on my way to my wedding. I believe I was in Southern Spain, judging by the yellow-gold gnarly cliffs of sandstone and gloriously green water. I have no idea why I was in Spain, because my wedding will not be in Spain. 

Also, why I was in a speedboat off the coast of Spain I have no idea. I was wearing a very elegant, very beautiful lace dress, white, long with a train, camisole straps and very annoyed at my lateness. At least I was until I fell into the water. Then I was just furious that my dress was completely ruined and my pants were full of sand.

The Boat

I love being on boats. This boat however, was meant to be a speedboat and it was going NOWHERE FUCKING NEAR THE SPEED LIMIT. If there is indeed a speed limit on the open sea. We were doing donuts and taking on water and everyone was screaming with joy and I was just ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS.

At no point did the boat actually get me to my wedding.

The Dress

There has never been a moment where I have considered a strappy camisole trumpet dress made from heavy lace with a long train as my perfect dress. I looked down in surprise and was grateful that it "wasn't that bad". Looking back I did look pretty banging, but that's not the point. I do not want to wear a camisole dress on my wedding day. Nor do I want to have the thoughts "at least it's going to be easy enough to swim to shore in" cross my mind.

The Time

I was late. For my own wedding. And there was nothing I could do about it because I was trapped on a boat. Being late is a major issue for me, I try so hard to be early for work every day to avoid it but of course I was going to miss my own wedding. Because that's so typical.

The Weather

I am certain the last thing I want on a dehydrated wedding morning where I'm late and lost at sea is to have no shade and 30 degree blazing Andalucian sunshine, but that is what I was getting. I genuinely woke up expecting to have a sunburnt face and straw for hair.

Anyway, the whole thing was pretty stressful and only started to get better after I fell into the sea. Seems pretty prophetical don't you think? Here's what had to say about it:

If you are sailing across the ocean, then it signifies new found freedom and independence. You are showing great courage.

Okay, pretty good. Tell me more.

To see an ocean in your dream represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal.

As Iggy Pop would say after playing a pretty noisy new punk tune, well yeah, alright! Let's keep this positivity going!

 Dreaming that a wave hits your boat and knocks you into the water means that you are letting your emotions guide your decisions. Perhaps you are acting too irrationally.
Oh. Right. What about being late, then? may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future

Maybe I should eat less stollen before I go to bed.

Have you been having weird wedding nightmares? Exorcise the demons in the comments section - let's talk this out together!


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